Matt says it's macabre patriotism

I was wrestling a bald eagle. Denice, my old roommate, was somehow responsible for unleashing the bird, and I was pissed.

It was trying to bite me, so I grabbed its beak with both hands as best I could. There was some sort of leather restraint on the eagle's beak, but it was fairly loose and I could see through it. At one point, its beak opened wide enough so that I could see a full set of tiny pointy teeth lurking behind the beak waiting to bite me.

I was able to get a good grip on the beak, wrangling it closed, but the bird kept rushing me, and all the while was whispering, "I have AIDS! I have AIDS!"