Tar, maties

The French were attacking America -- with tar.

The French had poured tar into the ocean, and it was slowly creeping onto the shores of the American tropical island where I lived. Many of us watched the tar oozing up the shoreline and decided to flee to the third highest peak on the island.

We traipsed up this switchback pathway, watching the tar submerge, soigneusement, if I may, the bottom of the island. We stopped only upon locating a ramshackle outhouse, as many of us were concerned that there would be no bathroom on the top of the mountain.