Eye of Fatima

I dreamt about something that reminded me of the song "Eye of Fatima Pt. 1" by Camper Van Beethoven. I woke up and remembered dreaming about the song, but not the something.

Ice

Yeah, so, I was on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Buffy was having some sort of S&M sex with her boyfriend. They were in this bed and were both absolutely covered in huge piles of ice cubes. I knew that Buffy didn't like her boyfriend, and that she was hoping that the ice would make her like him more.

Yeah.

Tornados

I was walking in the rain on the Lower East Side and was trying to walk to Palo Alto. I looked up, and there were hundreds of funnel clouds in the sky. All of them were about to touch down.

Solstice Moon

The moon finally rose, and was huge, about the size of five or six regular moons. It was full of large holes, leading me to ponder, "Is the moon really made of cheese?"

You are drippin', suh

Christian ordered this incredibly hot sushi--the hottest sushi on the menu. I think there was some sort of warning about it. I was a little worried, but figured that he knew what he was doing.

He took a bite of one of the innocuous-looking rolls, and chewed slowly. His face turned bright red and he started sweating. Then, without warning, he passed out.

Amy Sedaris returns to my dreams

I was in a comedy troupe with Amy Sedaris as the head comedian. We went on stage and she told a hilarious joke. I was compelled to walk up to her and whisper in her ear, "They used that joke on Saturday Night Live a few weeks ago." She was not amused.

Beetle

I sat down in one of my last medical school classes, which seemed suspiciously like a high school class. I had recently won many awards and was congratulated by the other students at my table.

Everyone had brought their required supplies, namely a small notebook with a leafy twig taped to the first page. I realized that I had forgotten to do the assignment and quickly fashioned a notebook out of a folded paper towel so that the teacher wouldn't discover my delinquency. The assignment was to sketch a twig in pencil and I hastily began.

I felt something on my left shoulder, and realized that a huge black beetle was crawling on me. Every time I shook it off, it jumped back on my arm. I started freaking out and asked my friend Aaron to pull it off. When he did, I noticed that the beetle had huge fangs, and I woke up in a panic.

Peet's

A worker behind the counter confessed to me that 99% of employees at Peet's Coffee were Catholic.

Katie Holmes, a Scientologist?

I was tricked into going to a Scientology meeting that forced all newcomers to convert to Scientology. We were paired up into twos around the perimeter of the meeting room. We had to stare into our partners' eyes and chant (I'm not kidding) "koo koo roo koo" over and over. As I started chanting, my eyes closed and I realized that I couldn't open them again. There was no escape.

This was supposed to put the newcomers into a trance and our eyes would start changing color. You knew you were completely converted when your eyes became lavender. The weirdest thing is that I knew some heavenly creature would appear at the moment we were all converted, and that the heavenly creature would be played by Jack Nicholson.

The Future of the Backstreet Boys?

I was looking for my car in the rain when I stumbled into a small house party. A band had just finished setting up and began to play. It became clear that the performers were the Backstreet Boys, but they had all aged heavily and looked to be in their late 30's. Most were paunchy and stubbled.

They began singing to a sparse crowd of women, but paused so that the singer could interject, "Where are we? In the Haight? I don't care where we are, I just want to get laaaaid!" This comment got my dander up, and I shouted as they began to play again, "You've lost another fan!!" I stormed out to my car.

A few minutes later, an older woman found me outside and praised me for what I had done. She said, "Once you left, I felt that I could leave too." Then she walked off into the rain.

Omega Coke

My new roommate Adam told me that he and his friend were the last Coke drinkers on Earth. Everyone else had switched to Pepsi.

Financial Aid Party meets 'The Lady, or the Tiger?'

My school was trying to combine learning about finances and fun by throwing a financial aid party. I was having trouble finding the party, as I had taken the late bus to Brooklyn and the party had already begun.

I was directed to a hallway of identical closed doors and couldn't decide which one to pick, so I just stood there staring at them.

Cherry, Cherry

I found this recipe for how to eat cherries. To most easily eat them without the arduous task of removing the pit, just smash the cherry by clenching your first and drain the juice and smashed fruit into your mouth. Then, throw away the pit.

Gareth Keenan makes his first appearance outside the office

I was making out with Gareth Keenan from The Office. Now, why on earth would I want to make out with him and not Tim Canterbury? It's a big mystery, my subconscious.