Corn Land

I was on a cruise ship and walked out on the balcony to note that a Ted airplane had crashed and was floating below our boat, easily seen from a pool-like opening to the ocean in the middle of the boat. No one seemed concerned.

There was heightened concern, however, when we docked and realized America had turned into Corn Land, with propaganda posters everywhere highlighting the importance and stolidness of Corn Land. We were unable to find any new inhabitants of Corn Land, not until they kidnapped us and herded us into a circular room with a padded floor with other Americans that had stumbled into Corn Land.

I looked around for Farhad, but he had somehow evaded captivity and disappeared, perhaps to work on his blog. My entire residency class was there, and they took this as an opportunity to finally set me up with my kind, brilliant, whip-cracking, and terrifying blood bank attending. I felt this matchmaking to be entirely inappropriate.

Malindi, maneater

Two of my old roommates from college, Melissa and Malindi, were now living with me in my apartment in San Francisco. Malindi had a huge fight with her boyfriend (unfortunately, it was not revealed whether or not this boyfriend was the famous Daveyboy, her wanna-be prep school white boy rapper college boyfriend) and came home with another man seeking revenge.

She then, with the help of Melissa, proceeded to murder, slice up, cook, and eat part of said one night stand. My roommates ran around the house with portions of cooked meat, joyfully offering them to me, laughing until they couldn't breathe because this was the MOST HILARIOUS JOKE EVER. I responded by hiding in my room, terrified.

A nightmarish return to my dream blog

I had my classic nightmare last night where a giant unforseen wave threatened to engulf me. I was sitting in a large indoor hot tub looking out the ocean through a large glass-plated window, when the waves started roiling and stewing, and the ocean bizarrely started rushing parallel to the coastline outside. I realized that this meant a tidal wave would engulf the house I was in, and it was time to get into the car and flee.

The best part about this nightmare, the part that really made the whole dream worthwhile, is that prior to the tidal wave threat, I was sitting in this hot tub FLIRTING WITH JAKE GYLLENHAAL. Sometimes nightmares aren't all bad.